Author : smirkingcat
Pairing: Severus Snape/Draco Malfoy (pre-slash)
Word Count :606
Notes: thanks to themightyflynn for the amazing and speedy beta <3 thank you so much hun
this was created for snaco prompts: 1."I need this." 2. Curses
Summary: Draco asks Severus for the needed help.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Heavily panting, sweat running down his sides, Draco lies on the floor. His muscles still screaming in agony, while his body won't stop shaking. Never ending pain, he tried so hard to keep at bay, takes over his mind completely. Then a soft word, and a whisper of an mental push:
His crazy aunt, of whom he thinks nothing but that she is mental and that Azkaban was a favour to her and the world, is screaming at him about what a wimp he is -- his father, whom he fears beyond words, the man who was supposed to love him, curses him due to his mistakes over and over again -- his mother, the love he feels for her, the need of her approval, the way she looks at him when she is pleased with him -- and finally Severus, whom he has admired since he was a child, and then puberty come and he noticed Severus’ deep eyes, his long fingers, the strong posture and the elegance in his stride- he is overflowing with the feeling of love and longing for the man.
The very man who ended the Legilimens-spell again and in his usual unaffected voice says: “I believe, this is enough for today.”
“No, I need this. I need my Occlumency shields to stay in place. I only have until the Christmas holidays. We both know that he will punish me. I need those things to stay hidden,” Draco begs, trying to get up.
“I am not sure, Mr Malfoy, that you will be able to endure, or to make your shields endure.” The tone was heavy, the truth in the words harsh.
“Can you risk my secrets being known?” Draco asks, chin high, eyes piercing.
“I have nothing to do with your emotions; I never encouraged them,” Severus replies patiently.
“And how much do you think will that detail matter to those heathens?” Draco pushes on.
He is aware that most likely his aunt and his father will punish him for his thoughts, but that is why he put himself through this. At least he managed to keep one secret safe so far: the pain of knowing that in the end, Severus was able to cast the Cructiatus- curse on him and mean it.
He knows he asked for it, but he had hoped, that somehow, Severus wouldn't be able to really mean it when he cast the spell at him. He wondered about Severus a lot. He wondered if there was anything left that meant something to the man, and how much it would take to become something precious to him.
“As you wish,” Severus answers finally.
He waits patiently for Draco to get up again. He even waits for Draco to put his shields in place; hide his secrets, his emotions, his pain.
Draco's shields need to hold. He needs them to hold.
“If you want to be able to keep your Occlumency strong, you need to focus on the pain, and take it in, let it fill you completely so that nothing else is there. And beneath the pain must be your shield which hides everything else to the searching mind. That is the only way,” Severus says softly.
Draco stares at the man. Letting the pain fill him completely would not be a problem; it hurts bad enough after all, especially with Severus being the one to cast.
After a few deep breaths he nods once.
Pain envelopes him again.
Severus makes it painful because the Dark Lord would too, but this pain from Severus is to keep him safe.
He finally understands and welcomes it.
This entry was originally posted at https://smirkingcat.dreamwidth.org/81260.html.